I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize