You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
