Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
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