i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
