booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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