Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I showed him my bush... on skype.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
