She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
