I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
