I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
