I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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