just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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