Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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