This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
