dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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