I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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