just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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