She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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