First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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