We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
