i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
