What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
