Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the room spins SO much faster in panama
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
