i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
