Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
