My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
