You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
