At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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