went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
