the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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