so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
