Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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