You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
