omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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