Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
