I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
