Christians are straight up FREAKS
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
