Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
should my penis look like a turkey
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
