So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
