Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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