remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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