On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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