My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
