What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
