Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
