Cold hands, warm shart.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I want a musical about memes.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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