Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize