I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
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Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
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I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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