GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
