Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
