i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
