not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
