I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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