my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
