my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
