idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
