im drinking this country out of the recession.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
