dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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