Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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