Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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