At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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