matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
