Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

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  (603): I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck. http://tfl.nu/e2r4
  Replies (11) Good night (733) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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  (210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly. http://tfl.nu/2xxy
  Replies (19) Good night (1851) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.

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  (314): First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom. http://tfl.nu/gkr4
  Replies (13) Good night (787) Bad night (3645) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

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  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8406) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this

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  (410): forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this http://tfl.nu/291a
  Replies (27) Good night (928) Bad night (8051)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"

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  (202): He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!" http://tfl.nu/yfbj
  Replies (19) Good night (6359) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

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  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (3774) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.

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  (317): I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket. http://tfl.nu/1ame
  Replies (6) Good night (1960) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He asked if I wanted to "hang out"

  (410): View more from Maryland

  A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"

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  (410): He asked if I wanted to "hang out" (410): A verb which here means "do lines off my dick" http://tfl.nu/6cb5
  Replies (9) Good night (3113) Bad night (1050)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...

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  (319): i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself (612): It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool... http://tfl.nu/lubj
  Replies (7) Good night (2767) Bad night (797)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.

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  (717): Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too. http://tfl.nu/67rw
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster

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  (717): He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster http://tfl.nu/7ph6
  Replies (14) Good night (2267) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I can feel my moral fiber fraying.

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  (469): I can feel my moral fiber fraying. http://tfl.nu/8494
  Replies (2) Good night (1166) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
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  (707): View more from California

  The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.

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  (707): The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down. http://tfl.nu/oe6m
  Replies (4) Good night (400) Bad night (283) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...

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  (870): Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories... http://tfl.nu/piuz
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (216) Order T-Shirt

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