So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy