he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?