The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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