wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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