my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
