You're completely useless in the revolution.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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