I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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